Category Archives: Personal Growth

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5 Sure-fire Ways to Get Unstuck and Not “Settle”

How have you experienced “stuck” and not quite known what to make of it or do about it? When you do, from now own remind yourself that it just a signal telling you that you need to grow.

Here are 5 steps to help escape the gravitational pull of “stuck”, grow and get back into motion again:

  1. Reframe your mindset about “stuck” into a signal telling you “I need to grow”. That totally changes the game.
  2. Be thankful and express gratitude that your “stuckness” has become an awareness that it’s time to meet a need instead of being place that sucks.
  3. Carve out time to reflect on what you want, with from a big-picture perspective (your vision of success) or in one specific area of your life. Make sure you know your powerful “Why” behind it.
  4. Consider one action you can take right now that will move you toward what you want. A small, doable step is usually the best to start with (ie. phone call, inquiry, list, etc.).
  5. Immediately execute and make some effort on the action step you identified above. Even small delays can jeopardize your chances of getting off the ground.

Just as sure as the steps above will help get you going again, rest assured that you’re going encounter resistance along the way, and often from the most unexpected places.  I’ll talk about how to overcome resistance in another post, but simply knowing to expect it is the first step to not letting it slow you down.

Where are you at in your growth cycle? Do you consider yourself growing and if so, in what area? If not, it may be that you’re in transition to your next phase of growth. If your currently experiencing dissatisfaction, uncomfortableness or general malaise in your life but aren’t quite sure what to make of it, maybe its a signal that it’s time for you to grow, regardless of whether you consider yourself stuck or not…..then take action. On the other hand, if there’s an area in which you’ve known for some time now that you needed to grow and instead have just made yourself comfortable and settled…..then get concerned. In fact, it that’s the case then alarms should be flashing in your head as you read this. While “Settled” may have quieted that nagging, gnawing and uncomfortable sensation, it’s also got you medicated and in slow decline in that part of your life. If that’s you my friend, stop reading right now and go take action on the 5 steps listed above.

It’s been said that more often in life we end up regretting the chances in life that we had, but didn’t take, than those chances that we took and wished we hadn’t. That’s especially true about opportunities to grow.

053 Stuck II

Where are your greatest growth opportunities? If your “stuck”, think of the first one that comes to mind. If none really jump out at you, then just pick one and take step number one above. If your not stuck, then consider developing your own life-long learning plan that you add to along the way so it grows right along with you.

For the stuck and unstuck alike, please leave a comment about what what’s worked for your own personal growth and development and what hasn’t.  Myself and a lot of others would love to hear whatever pearls you have to share.

Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen. ~Leonardo Da Vinci

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How To Know When You Need To Grow

Some basic needs are easy to recognize. For example, when you feel hungry you need to eat. When you feel thirsty you need to drink.  But what do you feel when you need to grow?

If your like most people, you’ve experienced a gnawing dissatisfaction or uncomfortableness in your life at various times with what your are doing and the direction you are heading with work and/or life and don’t quite know what to make of it. Been there? I know I have, as have most of people I’ve talked with. The problem is that when it happens very few seem to know what to make of it or what to call it……..what they do know is that they don’t like it.

When words are found to describe this experience, one that seems to fit is “stuck”.   You may describe it differently, but regardless of what you call it, it’s a place you don’t want to stay in.  Some only experience it a few times, while for others it’s more akin to a friend or relative that has overstayed their welcome….indefinitely. Regardless of how often it occurs and whether the intensity of the experience is a low whisper or a deafening roar, most people have a hard time figuring out just exactly what “stuck” (or whatever you want to call it)  is trying to tell them.

After listening to Mel Robbins TEDx talk, reflecting on what I’ve heard from others and from what I’ve experienced myself I’m convinced she’s right:  “stuck” is simply a signal letting us know we have a basic human need that’s being unmet. It’s a need that’s just as real as hunger and thirst: the need to grow as a person.

If we don’t satisfy hunger and thirst, we die pretty quickly. Likewise, if we don’t satisfy our need to grow we also die. The difference is that death from not meeting physical needs is readily visible and happens relatively quickly. Death from failing to grow personally or professionally is just as real, it just takes a lot longer.  A “failure to grow” death usually isn’t apparent to the person going down that path, although people around the person languishing inside often see or sense it very plainly on the outside.  However, physical death and “failure to grow” death are similar in that:

  • There is atrophy of mind and body
  • There is transition of the soul
  • The ability to influence is gone
  • Others experience loss of value

The other interesting analogy between our physical needs and the need to grow is that the signals letting 052 Grow IIus know we have a need begin to diminish over time when they go unmet. Ask anybody who has fasted for more than three days and they will tell you that the hunger pains diminish. Likewise, when you ignore (or quash) signals moving you to grow you begin to notice them less or aren’t as bothered. That condition then leads to a much more comfortable sensation that is called “settled”.  The problem with “settled” and the seductive comfort it brings is that you’re in danger of staying there…..for good.

How have you been feeling lately about your personal growth? Where are you at right now with it, where do you to grow,  and what’s your next best step? Please leave a comment and share your triumphs, struggles and even tragedies so we can all grow together here.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain

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5 Proven Ways to Discover Your Personal Core Values

Your personal core values are what’s already there, they are who you are. Personal core values are observable and reveal themselves in your day-to-day actions and how you relate to others and interface with the world around you. 

In the previous post I shared my own story of struggling with a professional change that was difficult and high-stakes for me. Although I ended up making the right decision, it would have been a lot clearer and easier to make had I done the hard work of identifying my core personal values.  Although it’s hard work, it’s well worth the effort and knowing them will give you leverage and empower  your decision making in the following 5 ways:

  • Making priority decisions 
  • Identifying and selecting the work you love
  • Expressing and relating in the way that most gratifying for you
  • Committing to action that represents your highest point of contribution and brings you the most fulfillment
  • Keeping you on track with your “true North” direction for your life036 ValueDiscover II

If that kind of leverage and empowerment is something you want, you have to be willing to do something about it. The good news is that you don’t need to re-invent the wheel here. The following are are 5 proven ways that can help you effectively and efficiently identify your personal core values:

  1. A peak moment in time- think of a specific, special moment in time when life was especially rewarding. Who was present, what was going on and what values were being honored? Which resonated most with you?
  2. Suppressed values- this is the opposite of the above. Think of a specific moment in time when you were angry, frustrated or upset. Who was present, what was going on and what values were being repressed or violated?
  3. Must-haves- beyond basic necessities, what has to be in your life to make it sweet and fulfilling? Do you have to have Creativity, Collaboration, Achievement, or be Leading, Empowering, or Serving others? What Values do you hold that if not honored, cause a part of you to shrivel up and die? 
  4. Obsessive Expression- we can all get obsessive at times, and this can give us clues about our Values. It’s akin to a Strength being overdone. For example, people who value Self-expression may at times become selfish, rude or narcissistic. Those who value Learning and Growth may become self-absorbed and neglect other responsibilities.
  5. Use a Coach- as an outside party, a coach can facilitate the process of value identification by asking powerful questions and taking clients into their lives instead fantasizing in their head. This is often the most effective and efficient way to work through your values.

If you haven’t gone down this particular road of self-discovery yet, how would figuring out your personal core values serve your best interests?  If you have, how have you benefited and how are you staying on track? Please leave a comment and share your story, it may just be that turn signal or road marker someone needs to get headed in the right direction again.

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3 Keys To Changing Anything You Want

Have you ever gotten turned on to a person, resource or tool that really began to change the game for you in a number of areas?

That happened to me recently.  I’ve been going through a variety of Tony Robbin’s personal development and coaching content. Although he’s been billed as one of the most prolific and impactful people of our era, I was a bit skeptical. However, after going through his Ultimate Edge course and some of his other content, I now see why.

One of the things I’ve found especially effective is his approach to change and achievement, even when change is hard. It’s been a game-changer for me and I think you may find it helpful as well. Here are the 3 basic elements or keys to effective personal change:

1. Focus- focus on what you want. You have to make it clear and compelling. You need a powerful why that pulls you instead of you pushing the rock up the hill.  When you get crystal clear on your target, it’ll drive your internal motivation.

2. Get the Best- Get the best of tool, teacher, map, mentor, coach or strategy you can afford.  How? Seek, ask, and/or model somebody who’s already achieved what you want to do, have or be.  Then adapt what you find in a way that best serves you and those you influence.

If you have the first two bases above covered and still find yourself “stuck”, then….

3. Get Aligned- 80% of change and achievement is psychology, only 20% is mechanics. If you’re taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, then it’s likely you have have basic needs or interests that are in tension or conflict. This is typically due to a couple of things. The first is a conflict arising from your internal map of the world and how you think things should be…..the script you’ve written for yourself and others; your “rules” so to speak. The other is your living conditions and/or environment.

What to do?  You can either adjust your internal map and those self-imposed rules you have for yourself and everyone else about how things should be (we all have them) or change your conditions/environment. And by the way, other people (and often us) don’t even know our “rules” most of 051 ChangeKeys IIthe time, much less live by them. And when other people (or we) violate our “rules”, we get upset. So, action steps in order are:

  • Figure out what “rules” you have for yourself and others and if their sabotaging you, change them.
  • Determine if your external conditions/environment is contributing to the problem or can provide a solution, then change that.
  • Reassess and see if a combination of both above would be helpful; real-world problems are often messy and not clear-cut.

What are you trying to change right now that your finding to be harder than you expected? What have  you given up trying to change because you’ve failed at it repeatedly and have now just “settled”?  What changes have you made that led to wild success and how did you do it? Remember, change is automatic but progress is not.

I would really appreciate it if you would leave a comment and so we can share the wealth and help each other empower positive change.

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3 Proven Ways to Overcome Information Overwhelm

If you’ve seen pictures of a Tsunami, you know what kind of devastation, chaos and havoc they can wreak. Do you ever felt like your personal and professional life…..your brain…..is a lot like that sometimes (or most of the time)?

Your not alone. It’s been said that in the last few decades, in particular the last one, that we’ve all been overcome by a Tsunami of a different sort: information overload.  Our problem is no longer not enough information, but how to recognize what information we need and what to ignore. How can you overcome it?

Here are 3 ways:

First, you have to first protect the Asset (you). What follows may not seem relevant, but it actually starts here.

  • Get a calendar that works for you and then lean into it; what gets on the calendar gets done. Electronic is best because you can interface and automate other productivity tools, but most important is that it actually works for you. Remember, your calendar is NOT your task list (big mistake), although having a task list that can interface and put tasks on your calendar is ideal.
  • Find a task-list that works for you. I used ToDo in the past, but switched to Nozbe (really an overall productivity system) about a year and a 1/2 ago and haven’t looked back since, especially since it interfaces with my calendar, Evernote, and Dropbox.
  • Get a priority and goal tracking system in place so you at the destination of your own choosing. How will it matter if you accomplish all your goals but arrive at the wrong destination? I’ve found that MH 5 Days To Your Best Year Ever course and Darren Hardy’s Living Your Best Year Ever (this one is more complicated) are both good compasses that help me do just that. Tying these tools into my weekly planning session has been transformative.
  • Finally, carve out time and a space to think so you can be intentional about how you need to make these work for you.

The things above will allow you to keep your head above water so you can now begin to do something about the perpetual, oncoming information wave.

Second, determine what areas your passionate about, information and knowledge you want to master, keep up with, and be able to retrieve.

  • This includes both stuff you want to know as well as the stuff you need to know.
  • Don’t be afraid to make a major change in what topics you keep up with, even if it means giving up something you’ve followed for decades and are considered and “expert” at. When I became a professional coach, I started keeping up with information related to that field instead of physical therapy clinical practice. You have to accept that you can’t keep up with everything.
  • Have a knowledge networking system for topics and Information you want to keep a pulse on but not necessarily master or retrieve. Having subject matter experts (SME’s) who are your friends, colleagues as well as web personalities and sites that you can tap into whenever the need arises are invaluable. Knowing what you need to be an SME in and what you can let go and rely on your network for is remarkably freeing.
  • Develop an information foraging system that fits your current needs.  It will take some time and may be as simple as who you follow on Twitter or the blogs you visit or subscribe to, but make sure you have a schedule and routine. I find information has to come or be “pushed” to me via Twitter, feeds or e-mail vs me having to go get it in order to be sustainable.
  • Consistently keep up with the fewest sources possible that give you the most information (80/20 rule here).  For the last two years, Michael Hyatt’s website and podcast have been my single best “1-stop shop” knowledge and productive resource site for helping me keep my Outer focus.  If you haven’t connected with Michael Hyatt, you’re missing out. In fact, if you sign up for his blog you’ll get some great freebies, the most current one being How to have 10 Hours Off Your Workweek e-book.  The Inside My Toolbox e-book was gold but isn’t currently available; maybe it will be again soon.CUE 2000II

Third, have an information management system that works for you.

  • Are you dealing with hard-copy, soft-copy or a combination?
  • My system has evolved over the years. Before the advent of the Web, it consisted of hard-copy manila folders and arranging my soft-files in Explorer (and later Finder when I switched to a Mac).
  • How you organize your file system will be important and determine whether you’re really able to use it. There are lots of ways to do it, but the most important thing is to find one that works for you….and that will probably take some experimenting.
  • Put as much as you can in one place and make it as automatic as possible. I’ve been going soft-copy whenever possible. ScanSnap makes turning your hard-stuff to soft-stuff pretty easy as does Evernote’s web-clipper tool for stuff you find on the web.

Finally, my daily morning ritual is the fuel that makes all this go for me. Without that, I get out of alignment with myself, things drop and I lose focus on just about everything very, very quickly.

How about you? Please leave a comment and let me know what your doing to effectively keep your head above the information Tsunami and building your Outer focus as well as where you’re struggling.  Either way, I’d love to hear from you!

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How Well Is Your Outer Focus Serving You?

One of the most important and primary roles of a leader it direct attention and focus; both their own and those they lead. When they don’t, the ball gets dropped and everyone loses. When they do, they can thread the needle on just about anything.

I’ve talked about 6 factors to Leverage your Focus and 3 Keys to keeping it there. But neither of those matter if you don’t Focus on the right things. According to Dan Goleman, there are three foundational areas of focus a leaders must continually attend to and grow in order to lead with excellence:

Outer focus is the ability to “read” and discern the many forces that impact an organization’s vision, mission and ability to strategically execute. That means that regardless of whatever else he or she may be, the leader of today has to also be a “knowledge worker”.

What is a leader with Outer focus look like?

  • They have a wider ranging curiosity
  • Are open to new ideas
  • Both listen well and ask powerful questions
  • Have a knack for identifying important data within an ocean of information2000 Lead OuterFocus II
  • Can see the consequences of a decision today far into the future
  • Understand the relationship between the systems

What does a leader with Outer focus do?

  • Scan for new information daily
  • Monitor not just conventional sources of information, but unusual sources
  • Keep up with other industries in addition to their own
  • Reach out to others
  • Seamlessly integrate ideas and information that seem unrelated
  • Implement information and relationship management systems

Another important characteristic of leaders with strong Outer focus is that they develop intentional habits that make all of the above nearly effortless. To do so means knowing What and How: What tool or practices and How to develop skills and related to those into habits so that execution becomes as effortless as possible. More about that next time.

With regard to my Outer focus characteristics, I do the best with curiosity and scanning for new information daily. The biggest gap and challenge for me is not letting myself get sidetracked as well as keeping up with what’s going on in other industries that affect my own.

How about you? How would you describe your Outer focus?   I’d love to hear from you, so please leave a comment on where you excel and where your gaps are.  Together we can learn from each other how to best bridge those gaps and take our Outer focus of the next level.