I enjoy the fast track but never the frantic track” ~Fred Smith Sr.
Category Archives: Reflections
You may never be fully satisfied with your professional career if you’ve sacrificed everything else to support it.” ~ Katz & Liu
There is no road too long to the man who advances deliberately and without undue haste; there are no honors too distant to the man who prepares himself for them with patience. ~Jean de la Bruyere
The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson. ~ Tom Bodett
The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~ Hans Hofmann
Bathe In The Moment – Why You Need To
“God gave us memories to be rose gardens in the December of our lives” adapted from J.M. Barrie
Do you bath? Why? Most do so to get clean, but some bath to simply relax, refresh and recreate. Bathing (hot showers count) is an activity of both hygiene and renewal.
Dr. Art Nitz, a mentor and friend, told me something when when I was in my physical therapy Master’s program at the University of Kentucky that has always stuck with me. I just completed data collection for my first real research project and excited to move on the next phase….immediately…he said “Rob, take a minute and just bathe in the moment”. That wasn’t something I was expecting to hear and I had to think about it for a while. I have been thinking ever since.
Taking time to simply pause, breath deeply, reflect and heck, actually ENJOY what you’ve just accomplished requires intentionality. Otherwise, I settle for a quick “Yes!”, a fleeting moment of satisfaction, or miss enjoying the Win altogether. This is especially difficult if “Achiever” is listed among your top 5 Gallup Strengths as it is mine. After all, why waste time on something that is done when there are so many new things to do and conquer!?
My great-grandmother helped me get perspective on this (she lived to be 106). A widow for the last 25yrs of her life, she spent a lot of time alone and much of that on her back porch swing. I asked her if she ever got bored. She said “no, I always have my memories and they make for good company”.
Most people agree that bathing regularly is important not only for the person bathing, but for those who surround them as well. The same is true for bathing in the moment. Do you? While it looks different for everyone, don’t forget that it can give you leverage now and will be the seeds of a rose garden or briar patch in your future.
When is the last time you’ve bathed?
Rob
Margin…..Do You Need Some?
Margin: “The space between your load and your limits, rest and exhaustion, breathing freely and suffocating. The amount beyond that which is and that which is needed. Margin is like oxygen- everybody needs some.” This paraphrase from Dr. Richard Swenson, MD sums up margin pretty well, doesn’t it? It did for me.
The reality is that a lack of Margin most frequently manifests itself in two key areas: our time and our finances. The other reality is this: No one is going to walk up to you and give you more margin. You are responsible for making sure you have what you need and then setting the boundaries for yourself and others to ensure you have it.
There is a LOT that can be said and that needs to be said about margin. There is even more that needs to be done about it our lives. Others have done a great job of discussing margin in both the written word, in messages, blogs as well as in podcasts. I encourage you to access those resources for more detail, especially if you feel like you could use some breathing room right now.
Sometimes we lack margin and don’t even know it because we are on an adrenaline high, which masks the price we are paying. I really like the simple two-fold test below (thanks John Free) to determine if we have a problem with our margin or are approaching the danger zone in the two areas where it affects us most:
1. Money: Are you giving charitably or tithing and have some left over?
2. Time: Are you taking a day off or Sabbathing and have some left over?
Perhaps another is: Have you experienced a feeling of freedom within yourself in the last week like the picture of this woman conveys?
If your answer isn’t yes to both those questions then yes, you do need some margin. Now, what is the first next step you need to take to get some?
Settled…..Where Have You?
In what area(s) of your life have you “settled”? “Settled” means you have come to accept the status quo, regardless of whether or not something is the way it should be.
If your answer after reading that question is that you have no settled areas , I challenge you to take a closer look. The truth
is that “Settled” is like coronary artery disease (CAD), a silent killer of which we aren’t aware until the damage is done. That damage occurs not only to our responsibilities but our ambitions, aspirations, and dreams as well. The other truth is that
most of us have Settled in some way in at least one important area of our lives.
It doesn’t have to be that way. We can test ourselves for Settled by not just asking the question of whether we are, but by then intentionally taking time (15min minimum) to reflect on our values, relationships, and vision for our lives and then asking the following key questions (in order):
- “What are mine?”
- “Which are most important to me?”
- “Am I acting intentionally toward them?”
- “Do my behaviors reflect their importance”
- “Does my time reflect their importance?”
This process is both curative and preventative. I know from recent painful experience.
I was self-diagnosed with “Settled” this year when making out my 2014 goals as part of Michael Hyatt’s 5 Days To Your Best Year Ever course. Although I was anticipating getting clarity and action around my goals, Michael started off by presenting me with an unwelcome question instead. “In what area or areas of your life have you settled?” I took the bait. Although my mind was focused on the professional, intentionally thinking about that question arrested me and quickly surfaced the personal: my 13yr old daughter Jordan. Not what I expected nor what I wanted to deal with.
Jordan is challenged with Down’s and Autism, which has resulted in her not being able to verbally communicate as well as being incontinent. After years (literally) of daily (literally) work, exhausting all we knew and could find, yet experiencing repeated failure in these two behavioral areas, I had simply quite trying. Not intentionally mind you. I still went through the motions at times. But more often than not, I was disengaged and just went with the flow (literally and figuratively :)). I had embraced status quo and was managing as best I could…which was OK. After all, Settled is easy and can become quite comfortable.
However, diagnosing myself as Settled and asking myself the key questions quickly made me aware that I was not only violating one of my core values, but neglecting a responsibility and losing an opportunity…for myself, my family and for Jordan. This then allowed me to re-group, re-equip, re-energize, and re-engage. I was then able to take a “next step” in this area of my life that had become so settled and stale that I was ashamed to admit it. Thank God for awareness, because that is the beginning to being able to take the first next step. The results of that first next step (and those since) have been equally unexpected: for the first time in Jordan’s life and in all the years we have tried, we have finally have begun to experience repeated and ongoing success in one area of her toileting that now appears will be sustainable. Who would have ever thought?! That sure wasn’t what I expected. We still have a long way to go, but regardless of the results and what the future holds, I know I that my values and actions are properly aligned and we are intentionally working toward our dream for Jordan and us in this area of our lives.
Don’t confuse Settled with accomplishment or contentment because it is neither. Settled isn’t good. Settled is often the silent impostor that robs us by exchanging “good enough” or passive acceptance for what’s best…and then makes us oblivious to the loss or worse yet makes us feel good about it! Instead, be intentional about the important areas of your life and what you want them to be. What they are meant to be. What YOU are meant to be.
Sometimes it starts with a simple question: In what area(s) of your life have you “settled”?
Rob
Unique To You!
Don’t give up what is unique to you for something someone else will do.” ~friend of Andy Stanley
I love quotes because they often capture more meaning and content and express it with greater clarity than do page upon pages of script or the windy words of someone’s monologue. Those two things often end up only blowing you away, resulting in more cognitive dissonance.
You have unique talents and gifts. You have unique relationships and influence. Taken together, they define the things that you…. and only you….are able to “do”. On the other hand, there are roles and responsibilities that you hold…usually related to position and title…that one day, someone else will hold. One day you will either change jobs (willing or unwilling) or retire and someone else is going to replace you in these areas. That is simply a fact….for all of us.
Yet way too often we give up our unique roles that no one can fill for those activities (read: job) we know for certain one day someone else will fill. This leaves a void and a loss of value for both for us and those we serve when we fully live in that unique role.
All of us have responsibilities at work, in community and with family that we have to connect and make work together. In fact, these are often synergistic, which is ideal… like generating work income that then provides family needs. The problem arises when imbalance or even conflict between them occurs….and we know that naturally seems to happen at some point, more frequently it seems as we get older (or more “mature”). Which is where the rub lies. So, what’s the answer?
Clarity is where it begins. You’re probably very clear on what you have to do for your job and likely even have your title on your business card. But are you as clear on “what is unique to you?” as you are about your “Work” work? If you don’t have clarity on your unique role, how can you be intentional and excel in it? Furthermore, how will you make the hard decision when conflict arises?
How are you doing with what is unique to you as well as with the stuff that someday, someone else will do? If you aren’t where you want to be in this regard, then perhaps the next action you should consider is to make a move in the direction of getting clarity.
Rob
Trains of Thought: which one are YOU riding?
Make sure you know what Train of Thought you are on so you know what the getting off points are.” ~Ravi Zacharias
The double entendre of this quote is what makes it so powerful and clear. When we think of a train (or any transportation vehicle, substitute the one you prefer), we understand it’s to get from point A to point B.
We need to ride so we will weigh our options for comfort and speed so as to maximize value given our resources (both time and money), and may even consider certain other style elements; after all, who doesn’t want to ride in style? In order to have all those things happen, especially arriving at your desired destination, you have to be intentional about it: you have to think, plan and then choose….intentionally. But of all those factors, ensuring we arrive at the desired destination is the most important.
Contrast the above about riding a train with how you or I think (yes, intentionally using 1st person language). Most of the time it is anything but intentional. The majority of the time we put no effort or intentionality to what we let dance around in our minds, dwell on, day-dream about or ruminate about. Rarely, if ever, do we consider what our “getting off points” are for our thoughts. For sure those with even with a modicum of “Get Stuff Done” factor must think intentionally about a few things and high achievers even more. However, it’s the other 90%+ of our thoughts that often put us in Wonderland or some other strange place because we fail to realize that for each of those, there is a “getting off” point.
The locations our thoughts take us include: 
- How we feel
- What we do
- What we get
- What we become
The last of those is arguably the most important. The ancients and others understood the importance and impact of our thoughts much more than we do. The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said “If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place” which essentially summarizes in 1 sentence what it has taken me 3-4 paragraphs to say. A more detailed, contextual reading of the often quoted bible passage “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7) (link) reminds us that our thoughts can sometimes be complex and undermine our actions. It’s tough because thoughts can be intrusive, right?
Just like we can’t control which trains come down the tracks, we can’t control what thoughts come into our mind. Just like a train, what we can choose is which one(s) we will board and ride on. Martin Luther said it best (bird analogy here): “We can’t choose which birds fly above our heads, but we can keep them from building a nest in our hair.” How? Be aware…..Be intentional. Do you know what Trains of Thought you’re riding? If not, it is highly likely you will end up in a place you wouldn’t have intentionally chosen or won’t become what you want to be. Worst case, you will end up becoming something you don’t want to be. Where do you want to go today? What do you want to be?
Best,
Rob