Category Archives: Coaching

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3 Keys To Changing Anything You Want

Have you ever gotten turned on to a person, resource or tool that really began to change the game for you in a number of areas?

That happened to me recently.  I’ve been going through a variety of Tony Robbin’s personal development and coaching content. Although he’s been billed as one of the most prolific and impactful people of our era, I was a bit skeptical. However, after going through his Ultimate Edge course and some of his other content, I now see why.

One of the things I’ve found especially effective is his approach to change and achievement, even when change is hard. It’s been a game-changer for me and I think you may find it helpful as well. Here are the 3 basic elements or keys to effective personal change:

1. Focus- focus on what you want. You have to make it clear and compelling. You need a powerful why that pulls you instead of you pushing the rock up the hill.  When you get crystal clear on your target, it’ll drive your internal motivation.

2. Get the Best- Get the best of tool, teacher, map, mentor, coach or strategy you can afford.  How? Seek, ask, and/or model somebody who’s already achieved what you want to do, have or be.  Then adapt what you find in a way that best serves you and those you influence.

If you have the first two bases above covered and still find yourself “stuck”, then….

3. Get Aligned- 80% of change and achievement is psychology, only 20% is mechanics. If you’re taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, then it’s likely you have have basic needs or interests that are in tension or conflict. This is typically due to a couple of things. The first is a conflict arising from your internal map of the world and how you think things should be…..the script you’ve written for yourself and others; your “rules” so to speak. The other is your living conditions and/or environment.

What to do?  You can either adjust your internal map and those self-imposed rules you have for yourself and everyone else about how things should be (we all have them) or change your conditions/environment. And by the way, other people (and often us) don’t even know our “rules” most of 051 ChangeKeys IIthe time, much less live by them. And when other people (or we) violate our “rules”, we get upset. So, action steps in order are:

  • Figure out what “rules” you have for yourself and others and if their sabotaging you, change them.
  • Determine if your external conditions/environment is contributing to the problem or can provide a solution, then change that.
  • Reassess and see if a combination of both above would be helpful; real-world problems are often messy and not clear-cut.

What are you trying to change right now that your finding to be harder than you expected? What have  you given up trying to change because you’ve failed at it repeatedly and have now just “settled”?  What changes have you made that led to wild success and how did you do it? Remember, change is automatic but progress is not.

I would really appreciate it if you would leave a comment and so we can share the wealth and help each other empower positive change.

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Helping Conversation “Hats”: Summary

In this brief segment, we are going to wrap things up with our Helping Conversations series.   In summary, Helping conversations center around 4  fundamental activities: Teaching, Mentoring. Consulting, and Coaching. Each conversation type is used for a different purpose and differs in its level of sophistication and the skill-set needed to carry it out.

Regardless of what we do,  Leaders and those in positions of influence need to know the difference between each of these types of helping conversations and how to use them if they want to have maximum effectiveness and impact on the individuals and organizations they lead.

Hopefully, this series has facilitated greater awareness, increased your ability to distinguish between Teaching, Mentoring, Consulting and Coaching conversations, and will help you to be able to identify which conversation is needed with which person, and at what time in order to empower positive change.

I would love to hear your thoughts, additional insights, and the impact you have had on others as well as your comments and feedback.

Best,

Rob

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Helping Conversation “Hats”: Coaching Hat

Coaching in the context of a Helping conversation is defined as the facilitation of self-directed thinking and facilitating self-determined, self directed action and change.

I have found that the Coaching  hat in that context is rarely understood. People often interchangeably refer to (or think of) Teaching , Mentoring and Consulting activities as Coaching……after one’s mind has been diverted from what you do with athletes on the ball-field or in the Gym of course.

Coaching extends what Mentoring often begins. In Coaching, like good teaching, one moves from being the Sage on the Stage to the guide on the side. By definition, when wearing a Coaching hat you tacitly believe that it’s best if the person solves the problem for themselves, with the Coach being critical for helping with the process.

Do you know when and when not to go put on your Consulting hat?  What is the relationship between questions and statements during the course of a Coaching conversation? Join me for a couple of minutes and consider these questions as I discuss these and a few other critical elements in this brief overview.

I would love to hear your thoughts, additional insights, and the impact you have had on others as well as your comments and feedback.

Best,

Rob

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Helping Conversation “Hats”: An Introduction

Helping conversations allow you to engage in 4 fundamental activities: Teaching, Mentoring, Consulting and Coaching. Regardless of what you do, if you are in a leadership position or position of influence then knowing which “Hat”  to wear, for What purpose, When and with Who can be crucial for your success and ability to make maximum impact.

This video post will introduce the topic and over the next several posts I am going to define each type of “Hat” as well as discuss the related three “Ws” above.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts, your impact on others as well as your comments and feedback.

Rob

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4 Disciplines of Execution – 4 Life!

Chris McChesney and co-authors have written a #1 Best Selling business book called “The 4 Disciplines of Execution”. When I read the title it sounded like it probably would be cluttered with detailed business jargon and technical details so I wasn’t very interested. However, that changed after attending a 1/2 day workshop as part of a book tour that David Browder arranged for a group of TexPTS physical therapists.

What are the 4 Disciplines of Execution?

  • Discipline 1: WIG (Wildly important goals)
  • Discipline 2: Act on the Lead Measures
  • Discipline 3: Keep a Compelling Scoreboard
  • Discipline 4: Create a Cadence of Accountability

Of course, exactly! Crystal clear on how important these 4 disciplines are to living a successful life, right?…..well, not exactly. At least not at first and not for the last three. However, as I went through that morning I quickly realized the part of the reason this book has become such a hot seller and found by many to be helpful for business is that these disciplines are necessary if you are going to be wildly successful in your life (the most important business of all).

If we define these a bit further and ask a few questions we will see why.

1. WIG – Do you have any? Are they focused? How many do you have and which 2 or 3 or most important? Answering these questions gives you Focus.  What determines whether something is really a WIG is not the name, but the amount of attention you give it.

2. Act on the Lead Measures – A Lead measure is something you can influence that leads to your WIG. A WIG is also called a Lag measure; the thing that you want to have happen. Knowing the Lead measures gives you Leverage. Do you know what yours are?

Example: you have a WIG/Lag measure of losing 20 pounds. You Lead measure could be number of minutes exercised everyday.

3. Keep a compelling Scoreboard- It can’t be boring! It also has to be simple, highly visible, tied to the right Lag and Lead measures, let you know at a glance whether you are winning or losing, and is best when emotionally engaging. Keeping a compelling Scoreboard not only keeps you engaged but let’s you tap into the power of small wins. Are you experiencing small wins in your life? How do you know?

Example: A monthly calendar on your door or car dashboard on which you put a heart sticker for every intentional touchpoint you make on an important relationship you’re seeking to build or improve.

4. Create a Cadence of accountability – Having a cadence of accountability keeps you… accountable! Without this, failure is almost assured no matter how good you are with the previous three Disciplines. Who do you meet with? When and where? If not a person, do you have a system you use? You simply can’t go it alone and expect to Win.

Example: Person – weekly round table at dinner, at a breakfast meeting or simply on a phone call to share Scoreboard results with family or an accountability partner. A system might be your review of a Weekly Rhythm Register (WRR) to judge your results for the week.

Ok, those are the Disciplines, but they are worthless without behavior that follows. I look forward to sharing my experiences  in the weeks to come and look forward to hearing yours.

024 4Disciplines

 

Rob

 

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Settled…..Where Have You?

In what area(s) of your life have you “settled”? “Settled” means you have come to accept the status quo, regardless of whether or not something is the way it should be.

If your answer after reading that question is that you have no settled areas , I challenge you to take a closer look. The truth

is that “Settled” is like coronary artery disease (CAD), a silent killer of which we aren’t aware until the damage is done. That damage occurs not only to our responsibilities but our ambitions, aspirations, and dreams as well. The other truth is that

most of us have Settled in some way in at least one important area of our lives.

It doesn’t have to be that way. We can test ourselves for Settled by not just asking the question of whether we are, but by then intentionally taking time (15min minimum) to reflect on our values, relationships, and vision for our lives and then asking the following key questions (in order):

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  • “What are mine?”
  • “Which are most important to me?”
  • “Am I acting intentionally toward them?”
  • “Do my behaviors reflect their importance”
  • “Does my time reflect their importance?”

This process is both curative and preventative. I know from recent painful experience.

I was self-diagnosed with “Settled” this year when making out my 2014 goals as part of Michael Hyatt’s 5 Days To Your Best Year Ever course. Although I was anticipating getting clarity and action around my goals, Michael started off by presenting me with an unwelcome question instead. “In what area or areas of your life have you settled?” I took the bait. Although my mind was focused on the professional, intentionally thinking about that question arrested me and quickly surfaced the personal: my 13yr old daughter Jordan. Not what I expected nor what I wanted to deal with.

Jordan is challenged with Down’s and Autism, which has resulted in her not being able to verbally communicate as well as being incontinent. After years (literally) of daily (literally) work, exhausting all we knew and could find, yet experiencing repeated failure in these two behavioral areas, I had simply quite trying. Not intentionally mind you. I still went through the motions at times. But more often than not, I was disengaged and just went with the flow (literally and figuratively :)). I had embraced status quo and was managing as best I could…which was OK. After all, Settled is easy and can become quite comfortable.
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However, diagnosing myself as Settled and asking myself the key questions quickly made me aware that I was not only violating one of my core values, but neglecting a responsibility and losing an opportunity…for myself, my family and for Jordan. This then allowed me to re-group, re-equip, re-energize, and re-engage. I was then able to take a “next step” in this area of my life that had become so settled and stale that I was ashamed to admit it. Thank God for awareness, because that is the beginning to being able to take the first next step. The results of that first next step (and those since) have been equally unexpected: for the first time in Jordan’s life and in all the years we have tried, we have finally have begun to experience repeated and ongoing success in one area of her toileting that now appears will be sustainable. Who would have ever thought?! That sure wasn’t what I expected. We still have a long way to go, but regardless of the results and what the future holds, I know I that my values and actions are properly aligned and we are intentionally working toward our dream for Jordan and us in this area of our lives.

Don’t confuse Settled with accomplishment or contentment because it is neither. Settled isn’t good. Settled is often the silent impostor that robs us by exchanging “good enough” or passive acceptance for what’s best…and then makes us oblivious to the loss or worse yet makes us feel good about it! Instead, be intentional about the important areas of your life and what you want them to be. What they are meant to be. What YOU are meant to be.

Sometimes it starts with a simple question: In what area(s) of your life have you “settled”?

Rob

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Ask, Don’t Tell!….Of Leadership & Questions

People are generally better persuaded by the reasons which they have themselves discovered than by those which have come in to the mind of others.” ~ Blaise Pascal

Indeed. While Transactional Leadership has it’s place, it can never replace or have the positive impact afforded by higher Leadership forms. Funny, people just don’t do well over the long-haul by simply being told what to do all the time…at least not the ones you want on your team.

On the other hand, Resonant and Transformational Leadership approaches can accomplish what Blaise Pascal so astutely observed. How? Transformational Leadership in particular accomplishes this through: Idealized Influence; Inspirational Motivation; Intellectual Stimulation; and Individual Consideration.

The other key component is to cut-out all the telling and instead start asking powerful questions. So, here are a few for us to consider: How would others characterize my Leadership style and approach? Would what they say be what I want to hear? If so, what do I need to do more of? If not, what do I need to do less of or change?

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So, are you being and becoming the type of Leader you want to be? Regardless of your answer, how do you need to act on the last two questions to get more of what you and others want out of your Leadership?