Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain

5 Proven Ways to Discover Your Personal Core Values

Your personal core values are what’s already there, they are who you are. Personal core values are observable and reveal themselves in your day-to-day actions and how you relate to others and interface with the world around you. 

In the previous post I shared my own story of struggling with a professional change that was difficult and high-stakes for me. Although I ended up making the right decision, it would have been a lot clearer and easier to make had I done the hard work of identifying my core personal values.  Although it’s hard work, it’s well worth the effort and knowing them will give you leverage and empower  your decision making in the following 5 ways:

  • Making priority decisions 
  • Identifying and selecting the work you love
  • Expressing and relating in the way that most gratifying for you
  • Committing to action that represents your highest point of contribution and brings you the most fulfillment
  • Keeping you on track with your “true North” direction for your life036 ValueDiscover II

If that kind of leverage and empowerment is something you want, you have to be willing to do something about it. The good news is that you don’t need to re-invent the wheel here. The following are are 5 proven ways that can help you effectively and efficiently identify your personal core values:

  1. A peak moment in time- think of a specific, special moment in time when life was especially rewarding. Who was present, what was going on and what values were being honored? Which resonated most with you?
  2. Suppressed values- this is the opposite of the above. Think of a specific moment in time when you were angry, frustrated or upset. Who was present, what was going on and what values were being repressed or violated?
  3. Must-haves- beyond basic necessities, what has to be in your life to make it sweet and fulfilling? Do you have to have Creativity, Collaboration, Achievement, or be Leading, Empowering, or Serving others? What Values do you hold that if not honored, cause a part of you to shrivel up and die? 
  4. Obsessive Expression- we can all get obsessive at times, and this can give us clues about our Values. It’s akin to a Strength being overdone. For example, people who value Self-expression may at times become selfish, rude or narcissistic. Those who value Learning and Growth may become self-absorbed and neglect other responsibilities.
  5. Use a Coach- as an outside party, a coach can facilitate the process of value identification by asking powerful questions and taking clients into their lives instead fantasizing in their head. This is often the most effective and efficient way to work through your values.

If you haven’t gone down this particular road of self-discovery yet, how would figuring out your personal core values serve your best interests?  If you have, how have you benefited and how are you staying on track? Please leave a comment and share your story, it may just be that turn signal or road marker someone needs to get headed in the right direction again.

The Secret to Making Good Decisions Great!

Do you ever sometimes wonder why you do the things you do…what you say “yes” to and often fail to say “no” to?  Have you ever had a hard time deciding which path to take? Maybe started on a path that once you were on it, began to be unsatisfied or seriously questions why? Do you sometimes freeze, faint or simply vacillate when you have to make difficult choices about what it is you want to do? 

I think we’ve all been there. The real question is how to make those times few and far between.

I’ve had several of those times in my life, the most recent being whether or not to change my professional focus from a physical therapy clinical educator and researcher to that of professional coach. It wasn’t easy and the stakes were high….like leaving a full-time, tenured university position and stepping down as Director of the largest orthopaedic physical therapy residency in the country.  It took a lot of soul searching, guidance and mentoring. Looking back on it now, it’s clear to me that if I had already worked through and discovered my personal core values and used them as criteria, that decision would have been a lot easier and I would have been able to make it a lot more confidently.  Being on this side of the decision I now know I made the right choice…..things can turn out well in spite of yourself sometimes. However, it does make me wonder about other choices I’ve made and how knowing my personal core values might have improved some of those decisions.

What are “personal core values”? It’s important to define because it is one of at least four distinctly different kinds:

  • Moral values: These stem from our religious or world-view and are moral and ethical in nature.
  • “Ante” Values: These are values that we have simply to get into the game. Things like Kindness, Politeness, Timeliness, etc. Some, like Honesty and Truthfulness overlap with Moral values
  • Aspirational Values: These are Ante values or someone else’s core values we don’t have or have enough of but wish we did. 035 GoodDecisionGreat II
  • Personal core Values: These are who we are and represent our unique and individual essence; our ultimate and most fulfilling form of expressing and relating. These are the values serve as the compass point for being true to you self and when honored, allow you feel fulfilled in your highest point of contribution.

Since living by your personal core values makes for fulfilled living, why is it that most people don’t have a clear idea of what their’s are? Probably because they’re just too close-up. It’s said that a fish is the last one to recognize water. So it is with our personal core values, which is more that just unfortunate because they’re the secret to making good decisions. Personal core values are also the secret to making otherwise good decision great…..and easier!

To make matters more challenging, we confuse these with the other types of values listed above as well as fantasize how we would like our values to be (once we start thinking about them). In addition, we tend to gravitate toward the most socially acceptable or popular ones so picking from a list doesn’t help much. Finally, it’s flat-out hard work that takes being honest with yourself…..I know it was for me.  Coaches will tell you that it often takes their clients several months to come up with a list that really represent them and I have found that to be the case with my clients as well.

Do you know what your personal core values are? Remember, these are what we are, not what we wish them to be. They have to be discovered. If you do, I acknowledge and honor you for accomplishing something of importance and great value. If not but I’ve piqued your interest, great! Because in the next post I’ll iscuss proven ways that can help you effectively and efficiently identify your personal core values.

Until then, I’d be curious to know do you decide to do the things you do? How do you decide when faced with two or more very good choices?  In addition to holding up the mirror of moral and “ante” values, how would having a clear idea of your personal core values help? 

Please share the wealth and leave a comment. What working for you and what’s not?

4 Questions to Help You Grow Strong and Succeed in the Seasons of Life

I was about to jump right into the next post of this series on social and emotional intelligence (S+EI) series but decided to interject this one instead.  Several milestone events in the past few weeks, including the passing of my father-in-law on Christmas day, prompted some significant reflection on my part that I chose to put to the “page” here.

Another was coming across a daily devotional book during my annual end-of-year home office sweep. The title is Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life by Chuck Swindoll and was given to me by my in-laws back in the early 80’s when Diane and I became engaged.

Leafing through the pages and re-reading selected portions spurred a lot of memories, thoughts and emotions that had been about nearly as dormant and unturned as the pages of that book.  So did reading the mark-ups and notes I made when I was 20 year old young man and new husband.

Aside from discoloration, he book hadn’t changed over the last 30yrs but I certainly have. Both the book and my own experience brought home full-force the fact that there are seasons of life that seem to have a natural pulse and rhythm that are just as real as the seasons of the calendar.  I think the same thing can be said for our professional and business endeavors…they have their seasons as well.

Each of the four seasons offers insight if we take time to look and think.  Winter is often seen as season for reverence and an ideal time for slowing down. Amidst the drab and gray there there can also be found beauty and excitement, as the avid skier knows. Spring is a season for renewal when new things are come into being all around us as well as a revival and budding of what has already been…lot’s of rain showers though.  Summer brings with it lazy, hazy days for the young and can be characterized by rest and recreation, despite the sweltering heat waves we endure. Finally, Fall is a season of reflection when even the busiest and margin-less among us can’t but help and take in and appreciate all that has passed in a year. In fact, were sometimes mesmerized by it all. But we also know it can be a melancholy time for many who are missing the company of those no longer with them.

The common theme with each of the four seasons described above is that it cycles and has positive and 0291 SeasonsIInegative facets. The other is that how we experience them is determined more by our own perspective, preparation and choice than it is due to environment and external conditions.

Much of our enjoyment and success in the events of the calendar seasons is because we recognize, anticipate and prepare for them. Why would we expect it to be any different for the personal and professional seasons of our lives as well? Most of the time it’s not that we don’t know these times are coming or when they’re here……the signs are usually all around us. The real reason is because we usually don’t take the time to look and think, or we don’t want to, or we’re just trying to survive the whirlwind of life that seems to be constant.

What season are you in right now, either personally or professionally (perhaps both)?  If you can’t answer that question then the first step would be to take some time to reflect, think and figure it out if you want to grow strong and succeed.  The signs signs are there, often right in front of you, but your going to miss them if you don’t simply to take some time to reflect and become aware.

Once you know what season you’re in, the following four questions will help you gain perspective and prepare in a way that serves your best interest as well as grow strong in that particular season:

  • What do I really want for myself?
  • What do I really want for others?
  • What do I really want for my relationships?
  • How would I behave if I really wanted these results?

Like many of the most important things in life, it’s simple….but hard to do.  Knowing what season we’re in and shaping our perspective on it often gets lost as the urgent displaces the important and the daily whirlwind picks up speed with each passing year.  

But you do have a choice. You can be an Essentialist and exercise your choice to become aware and answer these questions for yourself the way you want. On the other hand, you can just forget you have a choice, give it away and let others choose for you.  Either way, how you grow and succeed is your choice.

As Mary Oliver said, Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Rob

Who Else Wants to Hit Their Target?

Although the mercury is still climbing into the 90’s here in Central Texas, a lot of signs make it clear that we have moved into the fall season.  It started subtly a few weeks ago with cooler evening temps, change in some of the vegetation, and slightly shorter days. Now the signs are obvious, like deer who’ve shed the velvet on their antlers and the cacophony of gun fire in the evening from hunters who are “warming-up” and getting ready for opening day.  You can’t miss it.

Life is a lot like that as well. We’re usually about our business and often don’t notice the subtle changes taking place around us that signal things have changed. In fact, sometimes we’er so preoccupied that we miss the obvious signs as well.  When we do finally get our head up and look around, the landscape has totally changed, the real prize we were after is no where to be seen, and all too often we find ourselves out in the cold (figuratively but sometimes literally as well!). The first step to being intentional is being aware. The other is reflection.

Being intentional about what you are doing allows you to stay focused on the specific goals contained within your overall trajectory and pattern for your enduring success.  Intentionality is the process that maximizes the probably of actually hitting what you’re aiming for instead of something else. John Free of Currey Creek shared the story of Colonel Townsend Whelen whose analogy of rifles and intentionality really makes the point here:  “Only accurate rifles are interesting. The reason being is that accurate rifles are intentional tools that do what is asked of them. The right load in the right rifle produce predictable, expected results. An accurate rifle is a precision tool that engenders confidence in the shooter. The shooter believes and knows he has the right tool to do the right job. Therefore when it comes time to perform, the shooter gets expected results.”    In other words, to be successful there has to be intentionality to what you are doing. When you couple the right tool(s) with intentionality you have success. If intent is lacking, you should have no expectations for success.”

Most are familiar with the adage, “If you aim at nothing that is exactly what050Intentional2 you’ll hit.” But Col Whelen’s description above makes it clear that a lot more goes into being on target…your target…than just aiming at something. You have to make sure you are aiming at the right thing, with the right thing, and at the right time. To do so requires the steps of both awareness and reflection.

The fall season isn’t the only time to be build awareness and be reflective, but it certainly is a great time to give those two things some extra focus and attention. It doesn’t matter whether your discipline in this area is already good or whether you find yourself derailed and needing to get back on track, being intentional requires the ongoing pursuit and practice of both.

What’s your best next step here?