We usually love beginnings and often hate endings…..at least the ones that are painful, we don’t like or we don’t have control over.  The reality is that some endings are necessary.  In fact, necessary endings are as important to life as are beginnings…..and just as common.

Necessary endings come in many varieties. Some are relationships, some are life events. Some necessary endings are outside our control and some are things to which we have to respond and act.  Like them or not and no matter how you slice it, necessary endings are indeed a part of life.

What necessary ending have you gone through recently, are experiencing now, or are likely to experience soon?  Here are some I experience repeatedly:

• My favorite season- I always hate to see summer go, and go it must if I want to experience it again.
• Our therapists who leave, change roles or professions- Confluent Health has a lot of talent, and as people grow and developed it often takes them in different directions.
• My physical capacities- I find this is becoming more frequent as I grow older and I have to adapt.

Here are some that are one-time events:

• Pets dying- our 12 year old lab passed last week.
• Kids leaving- they start their own household and families.
• A close friendship- whether due to difficulties or different directions.

Given how common a part of life endings are, what makes them so challenging to go through?  Perhaps the answer is found in how you choose to process them.

By embracing the following 3 factors you can make sure you don’t lose the good out of any situation, no matter how distasteful:

1. Framework- you get to choose how you will respond. Just how powerful is having and exercising a framework of choice? Enough to survive a concentration camp and go on to live a fulfilling life.
2. Perspective-you get to choose how you see it. Most people see situations as good or bad.  If you choose instead to see them as pleasant or unpleasant, (like emotions) you can experience them more realistically.
3. Context-you get to choose how to fit things into an integrated whole.  Reframing a necessary ending with the bigger picture in mind often allows you to pull together overarching themes….and understand that the necessary ending you’re dealing with may be a verse, page or chapter and not the story itself.

The good news is that however unpleasant, you don’t have to simply “settle” or dread necessary endings. That goes for the ones that happen naturally as well as those you need to make happen.

By using the 3 factors above you not only can keep from losing the good out of any situation, you can sometimes even make the difficult easy and the distasteful pleasant.

What necessary ending do you need to process differently  in order to maximize the good of a unpleasant situation?  You sure don’t want to lose the good out of it.

Please leave me a comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Have you ever awakened to the realization that you hold a perspective that doesn’t serve you well?  Sometime it hits you like a jack-hammer and other times like one made of velvet.

A few events hit me recently that gave me an awareness and realization of the velvet-hammer variety.  First, I picked myself up and dusted off my proverbial knees. Next, it dawned on me that my perspective about opposition was flawed: I viewed it as something to be overcome and eliminated. The problem with that perspective is that it sees opposition as an impediment to be eliminated instead of a requirement for growth.

Growth requires encountering and overcoming opposition of some kind. Whether it’s a seed overcoming the confines of the soil or an extreme challenge, both involve opposition….and in fact, by definition, require it.

Overcoming does not mean eliminating, and there’s a big difference. If we expect opposition to be eliminated, we are going to be sorely disappointed. Based on past performance, we know opposition will continually show up in some form in our lives. Sometimes it comes in the form of a person, thing or circumstance, but the one constant is that it will show up.

Our perspective of opposition will determine whether we are disappointed or whether we are expectant and ready. Perspective also greatly impacts our choice in how we push against the resistance that opposition brings; whether we grow through it or whether we disengage.  Exactly how we push can make all the difference in the world.

So if elimination isn’t an empowering perspective, what’s a good way to reframe it? In a word: Leverage. Leverage means positioning something in order to gain an advantage. And in this case,  that advantage is knowing how to push against the opposition with optimum efficiency/effectiveness for growth.

A great metaphor for leverage and opposition is the human hand, which is unique in creation.  The thing that makes the hand so distinguishing is that it carries it’s own opposition, the thumb. Knowing just how, when and where to place the thumb and what kind of pressure to apply against the other fingers is why it’s so effective. In fact, without opposition the thumb becomes essentially worthless compared to what it otherwise could be.

There are obviously many kinds of opposition and the use of a single metaphor for leverage can be overly simplistic. However, I do think the 80/20 rule applies in this case and goes a long way in helping reframe our perspective of opposition.

How does your present view of opposition leverage you for growth and success…..or is it sabotaging you? What needs to change?

Please leave a comment, even it’s in opposition 🙂