Privileges bump into each other and divide, responsibilities overlap each other and form a common bond.” ~Fred Smith
Category Archives: Personal Growth
6 Critical Abilities To Grow Your Integrity And Results
How to be a “Good Guy” AND Win!
When you take an integrated view of character you end up with Integrity. And integrity goes beyond the moral and ethical dimension. Living a fully integrated life….a life of integrity…. allows us to hit on all cylinders in business and in life.
I’ve observed some people who are enjoyable to be around and are as upright as they come. Unfortunately, some of these same people have a repeated pattern of failure in their results, both with people and tasks. Who do you know that is like that? Now, they’re “good guys” in the truest sense of the word. The problem is that when it comes to getting stuff done, these “good guys” sometimes make things a lot worse! They’re great to talk to and be around, you just don’t want them on your team. I bet you’ve experienced some of these people too.
So why is it that “good guys” sometimes seem to lose and cause your team to fumble? Why is that some….leaders in particular…. get to a certain level and then flatline or fail?
While there can be many reasons, Dr. Cloud has observed that often they are lacking one or more of the following 6 abilities critical to integrity:
- The ability to connect authentically.
- The ability to be oriented toward truth.
- The ability to work in a way that gets results and finishes well.
- The ability to embrace, engage, and deal with the negative.
- The ability to be oriented toward growth (i.e. a “Growth Mindset”).
- The ability to be transcendent (i.e. see the bigger picture).
As he says, “ethical functioning is a part of character, but not all of it. And is certainly not all of what affects whether someone is successful or becomes a good leader.” If you want healthy “wake” of results, you’ve got to be a person of integrity. This is especially the case for leaders and leaders of leaders.
All of us need to be working on the most important asset we have all the time: ourselves. While we can’t focus on everything at the same time all the time, we can focus on something all the time at any given time.
And as you work on the 6 areas above, you’ll find out something interesting and profitable as well: they’re all integrated and have a synergistic effect. The dividends you reap as a whole by intentionally working on any given one will be much larger than that yielded from any single one. You can then win in the truest sense of the word.
As you look at your wake of results, which of the 6 critical abilities, if you had more of it, would help you grow in your integrity and get more true wins? What’s the next most courageous step you could take to start that process now?
Please leave a comment, I’d love to know.
3 Dimensions Of Your Integrity And How It Impacts Your Results
A diamond is valuable, both for it’s hardness and beauty. The other reality is that a diamond will appear vastly differently depending on how you look at it and what you use it for; in other words, it’s multidimensional. Integrity is a lot like that as well. I had no idea how much so until reading Integrity: The Courage To Meet The Demands Of Reality by Dr. Henry Cloud.
If you think integrity consists only of a moral dimension, you couldn’t be more mistaken…..I know I was.
Any mention of integrity usually evokes the concept of character as well. I like the way Dr. Cloud defines character as “…the ability to meet the demands of reality.” And just as metal will fail if the strength and design of it’s character aren’t adequate to meet imposed demands, so it is with your life; failure will occur when it collides with the imposed demands of life. You can count on it.
And while integrity encompasses character, there is more. In fact, integrity represents the following 3 general dimensions of character:
- Meeting moral and ethical standards and the ability to build trust
- Developing and executing skills and talents within context
- Seeing reality for what it is: the bad with the good, the granular and the big picture
As you can see, integrity goes way beyond what we typically think of as character and encompasses much more. Integrity means to be whole and undivided, unified or sound in construction, and internally consistent. In short, integrity is simply integrated character.
When we think of integrity in this more encompassing sense to include our talents, strengths and skills, it’s really about a person who has brought all these together in a way that allows him or her to execute at the highest level. It encompasses both who they are AND what they get done – their results.
When a person is living an integrated life….a life of integrity…. they are able to “deliver the goods” while hitting on all cylinders. In fact, when looked at this way the moral dimension is simply the ante to get into the game. The real question then becomes “can you play and deliver results?”
We all know that the demands imposed by the reality of life are many and varied. So what happens to our results when we’re lacking integrity in selected areas of our lives? The following three things can occur, singly or in any combination:
- We hit a performance ceiling that is way lower than our ability.
- We get off track and get derailed by something or someone.
- We reach success and find ourselves self-destructing instead of celebrating.
So how can we recognize when our integrity is lacking? The two most telling are found in the wake we leave behind us. Just as a boat leaves a wake so do we. And the twin sides of our wake are our results and our relationships. While we intuitively understand how a lack of integrity can tank a relationship, it’s not always as clear when it comes to results.
Take a look at your wake. Are you getting the results you want for yourself and your team, both in your tasks and relationships? If not, how would a more integrated view of character….integrity….give you greater awareness and clarity?
Please leave a comment, I’d love to know.
How To Get What You Want
And Avoid A Black Hole
There are some things that are so bizarre that you can hardly believe it. A black hole is one of those. It has a gravitational field so intense that no matter or radiation can escape…..not even light!! It’s also invisible.
Although we don’t have to worry about getting sucked in by a real black hole, there are plenty of other things that can suck us in. And while those things vary, there is one insidious black-hole-like thing common to us all. Like black holes, this one is invisible as well. What is it? It’s an “I don’t want” mindset.
I don’t know about you, but when I experience fear, anger, and other unpleasant emotions associated with people or events, my default mode is to wish they weren’t there. I go into an “I don’t want” attitude and fail to realize that my unpleasantries…be it fear, anger or whatever, are simply signals of things that need my attention.
And that’s the real issue: thinking of what I don’t want and/or trying to wish it away. It’s not my unpleasantries or harsh realities that are the problem; my real problem is my mindset about them.
When we focus on what we don’t want, we also create a black hole like vacuum, and end up with two “I don’t want’s”:
- Whatever it was that you let set you off in the first place.
- A vacuum that begins to take on a strong, gravitational pull of its own; a Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) black hole if you would.
It’s important to remember that focusing on what you don’t wan’t is a natural reaction, so don’t beat yourself up over it. What you want to remember is that focusing on what you don’t want often sets-up a “To Me”, Victim mindset that functions as a positive, perpetual feedback loop that grows stronger and sucks you deeper unless you break out of it. Some people never do. Anyone come to mind?
The solution? When unpleasantness and harsh realities show up, instead of focusing on what you don’t want simply ask yourself “What do I want?”
By asking yourself “What do I want?”, you get some much needed AIR that counters the pull of the DDT black hole
- A= Attention on what matters most (what you want vs don’t want).
- I= Intention (focusing on your real outcome, not just ridding yourself of problems).
- R= Results (satisfying and sustainable, not just temporary or reactive).
The benefits of getting some AIR and into TED include:
- Empowerment to focus on a vision of our own choosing…how to respond and where to go from here.
- Mobilization of creative energy so we can act on things within our control.
- A renewed sense of purpose, forward movement and meaningful progress.
Our default reactions and natural responses when we experience things we don’t want or like usually don’t serve us well. By asking “What do I want?” instead of focusing on what you don’t want can help you escape the invisible, insidious pull of the DDT and take positive action instead.
I’ll leave you with a challenge this time instead of a question: The next time you find yourself focusing on what you don’t like or want, experiment and ask “What do I want?” instead.
Please leave a comment and let me know how it goes, I’d love to know.
It is better to fail at your own life than succeed at someone else’s.” ~André Gide
Why “To Be” Goals Are Essential
If You Want Your "To Do" Goals To Matter
The first quarter of the year is now well past us. For people and businesses who set goals, this is typically a milestone for reflection and reassessment. It’s a time to take stock of where you’re at and how you’re doing. How’s your progress so far?
I’ve accomplished two of my 10 goals for the year, struggling with three, and making good strides with the rest. Overall, I’ve been pleased with the progress I’ve made with my goals so far. That is, until I read something in chapter 9.2 of Joe’ Manby’s book Love Works: 7 Timeless Principles For Effective Leaders. It made realize my goals have been missing something. As I thought about it more, the missing “something” wasn’t actually missing, I just hadn’t clarified it well.
Like many people, I have plenty of To Do goals. To Do goals, as the name implies, are all about activity and accomplishment. They are the “what” we do and are typically external in nature. The problem with To Do goals is that they don’t define how you get there! And how you get there is just as important that what you get, if not more so. Just ask anyone who’s violated their core values, stepped on people, and taken a no-holds barred approach in their mad pursuit of the To Do goals they thought defined success. Because how you go about getting what you want eventually determines who you become in the process.
That’s where “To Be” goals come in. In my case, I established my “To Be” goals a long time ago and now review monthly and tweak them annually. What I hadn’t been doing regularly was assessing my actual progress with them.
To Be goals are the “How” you go about getting your To Do goals done. They are the internal matters of the heart and soul and determine the “what” you eventually become. While To Be goals transform us internally, they simultaneously direct our external efforts with:
- How we love the people who matter to us most.
- How we lead those who work for and with us.
- How we make our community a better place.
- How we serve God and our fellow man.
They also determine the satisfaction and fulfillment we get at the end of each day, with each To Do goal achieved, each milestone we reach and ultimately with our life.
Unlike To Do goals, To Be goals
- Are typically timeless values that resonate with your unique make-up, strengths, gifts and character.
- Are values you’ve chosen to pursue hard and rarely change over time.
- Something you continually strive for yet never full achieve.
That sounds a lot like a personal or core values list and it is.
The difference is that a To Be goal frames a value as an action that can be assessed and measured over time. How? Explaining “the how” is the goal for the next post.
In the meantime, please leave a comment. I’d love to know how your doing (and being) is coming along in 2016.
How To Find Your Keystone Habits
And What It Can Do For You
In Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit, he discusses the idea of keystone habits. Keystone habits are certain routines that lead to a cascade of other positive actions. In other words, keystone habits are a catalyst that can unleash a chain-reaction of habitual goodness!
This made me curious and I began to look for my own keystone habits. I found three: exercising 5-6 days a week, following the 2-minute rule for productivity tasks and flossing my teeth every night (weird I know, and see what Michael Hyatt about this one). I realized that when I have these habits in place, everything else is easier for me…..the discipline carries over.
All keystone habits have the following three basic characteristics:
- Small wins
- Leveraging platforms
- A contagion of excellence
What do you need to do to get keystone habits working for you? The first thing is to identify them by examining your own patterns. A great example to illustrate the basic characteristics of keystone habits are portions of Michael Phelps swimming routine:
1. Small wins- they are defined as “a steady application of a small advantage.” Smalls wins have enormous power, contribute disproportionately to accomplishments and give one a mounting sense of victory. To find and capitalize on yours, look for patterns of activity that give you a small sense of victory when done. Phelp’s consistent daily stretching and eating routine were part of the many “small wins” that were nearly automatic for him. “Winning” with these created a mounting sense of victory for him.
2. Leveraging platforms- Platforms are exactly that: a structure that allows you to expend a little effort that is then multiplied several times into a force that yields a disproportionate advantage. In the area of habits, an example would be meditating or deep breathing that then can be leveraged into a calming influence when stressed. This in itself can become it’s own habit. In Phelp’s case, his habit of “watching the videotape” every night before bed and upon waking was a leveraging platform. Not a real videotape, but a mental visualization of the perfect race. When race time came he just “put in the tape”, which allowed him to calm down and settle into near perfect form.
3. A contagion of excellence- moments when personal momentum, courage, accomplishment or some other virtue seems to build on your sense of self and what is possible. This becomes incredibly powerful to draw upon when obstacles occur and you need leverage to overcome them. Because Phelp’s was consistent in his other habits, it was no problem when his goggles filled with water on the final lap of his Olympic race. Everything else had gone well that day so a minor inconvenience like swimming blind on the last lap should be no different. And it wasn’t – he won another gold and set the world record.
The reality is the our lives are filled with habits. We are aware of some and others go unrecognized. If we want to be economical and effective with our efforts and conserve our limited reserve of will power, then making progress with keystone habits makes a ton of sense. This, in essence, is applying “The ONE Thing” principle to habits. The ONE Thing principle is asking yourself “What is the one thing, that if done, would make everything else easier?”
What’s the “ONE Thing” you need to do to find your keystone habit(s)? If you already have one in place, what would it do for you to have more? If you don’t have any keystone habits, what’s one you could start putting in place?
I’ll share some of the most common keystone habits next time. In the meantime, leave a comment and let me know what you’ve found out about your own keystone.
The book you have but don’t read won’t help.” ~Jim Rohn
Success is not something you pursue. Success is something you attract by the type of person you become.” ~Jim Rohn
Behold what you can become in pursuit of what you want; Beware of what you become in pursuit of what you want”. ~Jim Rohn