We usually love beginnings and often hate endings…..at least the ones that are painful, we don’t like or we don’t have control over. The reality is that some endings are necessary. In fact, necessary endings are as important to life as are beginnings…..and just as common.
Necessary endings come in many varieties. Some are relationships, some are life events. Some necessary endings are outside our control and some are things to which we have to respond and act. Like them or not and no matter how you slice it, necessary endings are indeed a part of life.
What necessary ending have you gone through recently, are experiencing now, or are likely to experience soon? Here are some I experience repeatedly:
- My favorite season- I always hate to see summer go, and go it must if I want to experience it again.
- Our therapists who leave, change roles or professions- Confluent Health has a lot of talent, and as people grow and developed it often takes them in different directions.
- My physical capacities- I find this is becoming more frequent as I grow older and I have to adapt.
Here are some that are one-time events:
- Pets dying- our 12 year old lab passed last week.
- Kids leaving- they start their own household and families.
- A close friendship- whether due to difficulties or different directions.
Given how common a part of life endings are, what makes them so challenging to go through? Perhaps the answer is found in how you choose to process them.
By embracing the following 3 factors you can make sure you don’t lose the good out of any situation, no matter how distasteful:
- Framework- you get to choose how you will respond. Just how powerful is having and exercising a framework of choice? Enough to survive a concentration camp and go on to live a fulfilling life.
- Perspective-you get to choose how you see it. Most people see situations as good or bad. If you choose instead to see them as pleasant or unpleasant, (like emotions) you can experience them more realistically.
- Context-you get to choose how to fit things into an integrated whole. Reframing a necessary ending with the bigger picture in mind often allows you to pull together overarching themes….and understand that the necessary ending you’re dealing with may be a verse, page or chapter and not the story itself.
The good news is that however unpleasant, you don’t have to simply “settle” or dread necessary endings. That goes for the ones that happen naturally as well as those you need to make happen.
By using the 3 factors above you not only can keep from losing the good out of any situation, you can sometimes even make the difficult easy and the distasteful pleasant.
What necessary ending do you need to process differently in order to maximize the good of a unpleasant situation? You sure don’t want to lose the good out of it.
Please leave me a comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts.